Harsh Reality
by Walk Through the Fire
Summary: Normal Again AU. Buffy wakes from her sate of delusion to a world where vampires and daemons don't exist and she's nothing more than a patient in an insane asylum. However, the friends she created in her head might not be as imaginary as she thought.


Title: Harsh Reality

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Characters: Buffy, Willow, Xander, Giles, Spike, Tara, Anya, Dawn, Joyce

Pairings: Spike/Buffy, Willow/Tara, Xander/Anya

Rating: T+ for adult themes, moderate course language, drug references, action violence

Summary: Normal Again AU. Buffy wakes from her sate of delusion to a world where vampires and daemons don't exist and she's nothing more than a patient in an insane asylum. However, the friends she created in her head might not be as imaginary as she thought.

**Author's Note: This fic will reference mental illness. If this is in some way a TRIGGER please read at own risk (I'm not sure if this subject is a trigger in any way but I'd like to make sure). The portrayal of mental illness and halfway houses for patients will only be as accurate as the web articles I have read on the subject. I don't wish to offend anyone with this portrayal of mental illness which is not in any way realist. This is a work of fiction.**

* * *

Chapter One

Welcome to the Real World

"We'll always be with you." Joyce said, smiling, hopeful. "There's a world of strength in your heart, honey. I know there is. You just have to find it again."

Buffy looked into her mother's eyes. They gleamed with tears of desperation. Tears of determination. This was reality, it had to be. Her mother's face looked so real. The world around her felt right. She'd been lost in her own fantasy world for too long. It was time face the harsh reality that awaited her.

"You're right..." Buffy whispered through tears. "Thank you." She closed her eyes for a moment, visualizing the faces of her friends. She would miss them; she would miss the world she had made. She would miss the good and the bad, the suffering and the joy. But she knew what she had to do.

"Goodbye." She whispered.

"Buffy…" Joyce muttered in concern. She couldn't bare the loss of her daughter. Not again.

Buffy's eyes flew open. "I'm back, Mom. And I won't leave you this time. I'm back for real."

Her mother burst into tears and embraced her daughter tightly. "Oh, Buffy. I've missed you so much."

Buffy hugged her mother back. "I've missed you too, mom."

* * *

Buffy stared blankly out the window. Down below was the asylum parking lot. Little people got out of their brightly coloured little cars and walked around on hard concert. Some of them were being emitted to the hospital. Those ones walked slowly, back hunched, a confused look on their scared faces. But most of the people were visitors. Coming in to see family members or friends, never staying too long, always returning back into their little cars after an hour or so. Buffy wished she could be a visitor. She wished she could go home once she'd fulfilled her social obligations. But instead she was confined to her bleak room.

"We should keep her here for evaluation." The doctor had said. "She needs to be closely examined for the next month or so. We need to make sure she doesn't try to go back."

Buffy wasn't going to go back. She wanted to, but she wouldn't. Life in her mind was hard. She had to protect the world, take care of her sister and cope with the pain. Here, life was easy. Every morning she'd be served off-yellow scrambled eggs on a little tray. Her mother and father would come to see her most days. Sometimes she'd go to the recreational centre. The room had a TV and she could talk to other patients. She never did talk to other patients. Then she'd have therapy. Doctor Greene would say; "How are you going?"

And she'd reply; "Fine."

Then he'd say; "That's good."

And she'd say; "Yes."

But most of the time Buffy just stayed in her room, sitting on her bed, watching the little people down below. It had been going on like this for thirty-two days. Buffy had been counting. She had taken paper from the recreational centre and stolen a pen. She drew tally marks on the sheet like she'd seen castaways do in movies. The sheet lay under her pillow; she needed it close to stop the days from blurring together. But at least life was easy in the asylum. There were no vampires or daemons here. But there were also no friends.

Doctor Greene and her parents were talking outside Buffy's room. There mumbling distracted her from the parking lot as their words floated in.

"I think you should consider it." The doctor said.

Joyce replied. "We just want to have our little girl home."

"You have to think about what's best for Buffy. She not a little girl; she's aged mentally during the time in her dilutions."

"What's best for Buffy is for her to be with her family." Hank snapped, frustration in his voice. "Moving her further away from us isn't going to help."

Doctor Greene said, "I understand that you want to spend time with your daughter but I really think this program is what's right for her."

"It's only a new establishment," Joyce said. "How can you be sure it will help?"

"Our house our house near Sana Barbara maybe new, but the program has been running for years. If we reside Buffy with others like her she'll learn the skills needed to adapt to the real world. She won't be babied and she won't be left to her own devices."

Hank sighed. "We'll have to think about it. Is there any more information you can give us about it?"

The doctor replied. "Basically Buffy will be living in a house with five other people with similar conditions as her. They won't be unsupervised; they'll be a physiatrist watching over them regularly and monthly checks by an inspector to make sure everything is going alright. I'll take you to Doctor Nicolas for more detailed information. Come with me."

Buffy was unsure of what she'd just heard. She felt fine, like she didn't need any more treatment. Couldn't they just let her go home? At home she could eat whatever she wanted for breakfast and go to a bathroom only three people used instead of a hundred. At home she wouldn't be asked annoying questions and given strangely coloured food. Whatever they were talking about didn't sound like home. It sounded like a smaller institution. And Buffy didn't like the sound of that. Just then the nurse came in with her lunch.

"Hello Buffy." She said sweetly.

"Hello."

"Are you hungry?"

"I'm always hungry." Buffy sighed. "What have I got today? Let me guess. Is it Jell-O or is it… Jell-O?"

The nurse smiled. "It's Jell-O."

"I knew it." Buffy said in mock victory as the nurse put the tray on her bed. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." And with that the nurse turned and left, just like everyone else did when they'd fulfilled their social obligations.

* * *

"Is anyone going to ask how I feel about this?" Buffy asked, disgruntled. "I don't even know these people. What if they're all patchty murder-y?"

"They've all had background checks, Buffy." Doctor Nicolas replied. "It's a perfectly safe environment. But you have to make up your mind soon; if you chose to go you'll be leaving tomorrow."

Joyce said, "We won't send you if you don't want to go, sweetie."

"That's right, honey," Hank agreed. "It's all up to you."

They sat in the doctor's office. It was all bright and white but seemed so dull. Buffy shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "What other option do I have, Doc?"

"We strongly advise out take part in the program, Miss Summers, but if you chose not to we'll keep you hear for another month or so."

There were two things that made Buffy feel uncomfortable about that sentence. The first was the way the doctor had emphasized the word 'strongly'. It was like he was saying, "You may think you have a choice but you don't really." The second thing was the phrase 'another month or so'. 'Another month' was a long time to be confined to the intuition and 'or so' implied she could be there even longer.

"Can't I just go home?"

Doctor Nicolas gave her a stern look. "You've been thinking about them, haven't you?"

Buffy was stunned. "How did you… No, I mean no, I haven't."

"Are you lying to me, Miss Summers?"

She was unsure of what to say. Of course she'd been thinking about them, about her friends. They were all she thought about. But it wasn't an issue… was it?

Buffy just nodded slowly in reply. Her parents' faces grew fearful.

"You have to meet new people, Buffy. Real people." He said. "I've noticed that you never talk to any of the other patients when you're in the Rec Room. Is that because visualising conversations with your friends?"

Another nod.

"Then I suggest you move to the halfway house in Sunnydale. They'll be lots of-"

Unsure she'd heard right, Buffy asked, "Sunnydale?"

"That was the place she envisioned living in, right?" Hank questioned.

"Yes," Doctor Nicolas agreed. "It's a real place, I assure you, near Sana Barbara. But there's no 'Hellmouth' or vampires. It's just an ordinary town, and I'm sure it's nothing like Buffy imagined it to be. It's the same in name only. Besides, it's the closest house we have to LA. You two can visit your daughter on weekend-"

"I want to go." Buffy muttered. "I've decided I want to go to the house."

"Are you sure, honey?" asked Joyce. "You know it's not the same place as you thought you were in, right?"

"I know." Buffy lied, "I want to go so I can meet new people. I miss my friends, even if they were just my imagination. I want to meet other, more real people."

"Excellent." Doctor Nicolas smiled. "I suggest you get packing then."

"I don't really own that much…"

"Your father and I will get your old clothes and possessions from home." Joyce offered. She smiled but there was worry in her eyes.

"Just wait in your room for us. We'll be back in half an hour." Hank said. Buffy nodded and left the doctors' gloomy room in exchange for her own. As she sat on her bed and looked out her window she couldn't help but feel happy. Buffy was going home, in some sense at least. The real Sunnydale might not have daemons or magic but the name of the place alone was enough to make her giddy. She whistled while she threw out the paper that lay under her pillow and skipped as she returned the stolen pen from the Recreational Centre. It was stupid, she knew, but the thought that that place she envisioned was real made her feel that she wasn't so crazy after all. At least she was slightly sane. Time passed quickly as her mom and dad returned with a large suitcase.

Hank said, "We packed most of your old clothes. I'm sure they all still fit."

"And we packed books for you to read if you get bored and a notepad and pens if you want to write about your time there." Joyce added.

"Thank you." Buffy smiled. "When are we going to drive there?"

"Tomorrow." Joyce replied, "At around 3PM so you'll need to meet us outside in the parking lot in the afternoon."

"And you guys will visit me on weekends, right?

Hank nodded. "The drive isn't too far so we'll visit when we can."

"Thank you so much." said Buffy, "For not giving up on me when I wasn't even there. For everything."

"We would never give up on you Buffy." smiled Joyce, tears in her eyes. Not sad tears though, tears of joy.

"Your mother and I love you very much."

"We would never give up on you."

"And we'll never leave you."

Buffy felt her own eyes begin to swell. She's missed her mother so much when she'd "died" and she'd missed her father as well when he'd "left". A bitter thought of self-hatred flicked past as she realized what she'd done to her parents while in this fantasy world of hers. How could her mind be so twisted? Her escape from the real world was a place where her she lost the people she loved? What did that say about her?

"I'll never leave you either." Buffy grinned as she embraced both her parents. They were here. They were real. And at that moment, that was the only thing that mattered.


End file.
